“Bear with each
other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive
as the Lord forgave you.” - Colossians 3 Verse 13 (NIV)
Forgive whatever grievances. Forgive
as the Lord forgave you.
Whatever the grievances, and whatever the circumstances, God expects you to forgive the offender.
Whether the offender offended you deliberately or by accident, God expects you to forgive them.
Whether the offender hurt you once or continually hurts you, you have to forgive them. Please note that this does not mean that you let yourself be abused; you can forgive them and take any appropriate measures to protect yourself, especially from physical and psychological harm.
Whether the offender is sorry about the hurt they caused you, or not, you still need to forgive them.
It's always important to recognize that forgiveness is probably more about you than it is about them. That's why the Bible's teachings or lessons on forgiveness seem jarring to some ears.
Let the offender go. By so doing you also let yourself go; you open the doors to the prison in which unforgiveness had shut you.
The above are some of the biblical lessons on forgiveness that you need to keep in mind.
Depending on your circumstances, you may forgive somebody without talking to them. You may not want to talk to the offender because you are still traumatized or angry, or you just don't feel like it at the moment. That's ok. With the passage of time, you may bring yourself to actually tell them that you've forgiven them. It is a good thing for them to know that they are forgiven, especially in relation to those who regret their actions, because this relieves them of the weight on their shoulders.
Can you stand before God today and emphatically
declare to Him that you've forgiven everybody that ever offended you? If so, I applaud you. But if you still find it hard to forgive the one who hurt you, it's back to the drawing board, for you definitely are missing the will of God
in this regard.
But how many times, exactly, are you expected to forgive somebody who continually hurts you?
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord,
how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?’” - Matthew 18:21 (NIV).
Peter
thought that it would be too much to forgive a person seven times; he thought it would be stretching the limit too far. But “Jesus
answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’” - Matthew
18:22 (NIV).
The message is quite clear - you should forgive others for as long
as you live!
Let us now get a bit more practical. How can one forgive someone who has hurt them? Somebody says, "I really want to forgive, but I just can't." Below, I try to give some practical steps to forgiveness:
- I am addressing the believer. Forgiveness is the nature of God; it's the nature of our Lord Jesus Christ. It should be the nature of every child of God. Unfortunately, Christians are at various stages of transformation by the Holy Spirit; some are still infants while some are already senior citizens. So, the first practical step for one to take is to work towards approximating Christ in every aspect of life, for the more like Christ one becomes, the easier it will become for one to forgive.
- When it comes to forgiveness, the willingness to do so is important. Are you willing to forgive but can't, or are you unwilling to do so? If you are willing, ask God for help. He will help you because of your sincerity in the matter, and because it also is His will for you.
- Change how you view both the offender and the situation or circumstances. Ask yourself the following questions: "Could the offender be going through troubling personal circumstances?" "What burdens could they possibly be carrying?" "Are they mentally capable of appreciating the hurt they have caused me?" "Do they come from abusive families and communities?" "Have they grown up unloved?" or "Don't they just care?" You may find it easier to forgive after you've considered all these factors. You may even find that the offender needs your help with some of their life issues.
- One thing that tends to sober us up regarding forgiveness is to ask yourself the question, "Have I ever hurt anybody?" This question puts you in the place of the offender. While in the place of the offender, because you most likely have offended people before, how would you want your victim to react towards you? Most probably you want them to forgive you. If so, then why don't you respond the same way toward the one who offended you?
- Consider the Jesus dimension. He forgave wholesale; He forgave everybody for whatever sin committed. Where would you be if Jesus had not forgiven you? So, the final step I encourage you to take is to follow instructions. The opening Bible verse says: forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Let's continue to work at it. We get better with experience!
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." - Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)
I pray that the Lord gives you the spirit of forgiveness.
You may proceed to: Benefits & Importance of Forgiveness
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